


I Wish That I Could Take You to the Stars

by Who_the_hell_is_Tre_Cool



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Abstract Gender Dysphoria, Character Study, Genderqueer Character, Nonbinary Character, Other, Trans Male Character
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-09
Updated: 2020-05-09
Packaged: 2021-03-03 01:00:44
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 895
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24096229
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Who_the_hell_is_Tre_Cool/pseuds/Who_the_hell_is_Tre_Cool
Summary: ' While Louis launches himself at Liam, Niall sits down beside Zayn, ignoring the painful sound of someone’s elbow hitting the wall.He tucks himself into Zayn’s side, curling up small and tight. Zayn easily throws an arm around him, holds him close in a way that Niall is ever grateful for. There’s an itch under his skin, a burning in his lungs. His hands feel too big and the world feels too small. But all those feelings lessen a little when he’s here, surrounded by comfort and noise.Zayn smells like cigarette smoke and acrylic paint, with something underlying that makes Niall think of stardust. It would be fitting, in a way, if that were the case. Niall’s always thought of Zayn as ethereal. '
Relationships: Liam Payne/Harry Styles/Louis Tomlinson, Niall Horan/Zayn Malik
Kudos: 31





	I Wish That I Could Take You to the Stars

**Author's Note:**

> This is purely self-indulgent drivel which I wrote in an hour. I have other fics I'm meant to be working on but apparently this is more important. 
> 
> Not proofread at all. 
> 
> For anyone who wants to know immediately: Liam and Louis are both trans guys, at differing stages of transitioning, and both use he/him pronouns. Harry and Zayn are nonbinary, Harry using they/them pronouns and Zayn using xe/xir. Niall is genderqueer, and uses he/him pronouns.

Harry’s sprawled across the beanbag chair below the window when Naill walks in, dozing in the last remnants of sunlight as the day slips away. They look completely relaxed, like a cat in an antiques shop, all golden and soft-edged, much like the sun at dusk.

Liam and Louis are wrestling on the bed, so loud and full of energy, yet somehow tender at the same time. If Harry is a cat then Louis and Liam are puppies, full of boundless energy, alternating between causing chaos and cuddling. Liam gets Louis pinned below him, but his expression turns worried when he catches Louis wheezing. He ducks his head, murmuring to him, no doubt enquiring about how long he’s been binding for. Louis always gets pissy when any of them ask, but he takes it marginally better from Liam. He may have already had surgery, but Liam still remembers what it’s like.

Their conversation continues in low murmurs, until Louis huffs.

“Fine _dad_ ,” He says, louder, the noise startling Niall a little. Louis grabs a hoodie, probably Liam’s, and stalks off to the bathroom to change. It’s nothing any of them haven’t seen before, but sometimes Louis likes his privacy.

Then there’s Zayn, sat on the floor with xir back against the bed, sketchbook open and charcoal staining xir hands. When Niall meets xir eyes, xe’s already looking at him. Xe tilts xir head, a clear invitation that Niall isn’t going to refuse. He makes his way across the room, followed closely by Louis, who is now bundled up in Liam’s hoodie, with his binder tucked under his arm.

While Louis launches himself at Liam, Niall sits down beside Zayn, ignoring the painful sound of someone’s elbow hitting the wall.

He tucks himself into Zayn’s side, curling up small and tight. Zayn easily throws an arm around him, holds him close in a way that Niall is ever grateful for. There’s an itch under his skin, a burning in his lungs. His hands feel too big and the world feels too small. But all those feelings lessen a little when he’s here, surrounded by comfort and noise.

Zayn smells like cigarette smoke and acrylic paint, with something underlying that makes Niall think of stardust. It would be fitting, in a way, if that were the case. Niall’s always thought of Zayn as ethereal.

He zones out, eyes following Zayn’s hand as xe goes back to sketching. To Niall’s unfocused gaze, the purple glitter on xir nails looks like galaxies, shifting and moving and changing. There’s a gentle rumble nearby, something he half hears, half feels. He blinks slowly, brain sluggish, and the rumble continues. It feels like he’s underwater, but he vaguely registers that the rumble is Zayn talking to him.

A hand on the back of his neck is enough to tether him back to earth, and he lifts his head. Zayn’s smiling fondly, and Niall nearly floats away again just staring into xir eyes.

“You with us babe?” Xe asks quietly, voice caught up with the other noise in the room. Louis and Liam have finally tired themselves out (for now), and are just talking, although Niall can’t focus on their conversation. Someone had put music on at some point, probably Harry, he guesses, judging from the voice which he eventually identifies as Stevie Nicks. Definitely Harry, then.

He nods to Zayn’s question, albeit a little slow to respond, and xe just smiles, shaking xir head. Niall focuses on xir face, how xir eyes are lined in black, with bold, smokey eyeshadow, xir lips a purple that matches xir nails. Harry must have done it, since Zayn usually isn’t one for such bold colours.

He’s lucky Zayn understands him so well, particularly when his mood gets like this.

“Let me paint your nails, give you time to come back to yourself. How does that sound?” Xir voice is still gentle, and Niall nods again.

He lets his focus drift around the room while Zayn gets settled with xir multitude of nail polish. He trust xir to do it nicely, xe always does.

Louis seems to have grown bored of normal conversation, as usual, and has changed his target from Liam to Harry. He prowls over, Harry facing away, fiddling with something on their phone. Naill can’t see them too well, but Harry yelps when Louis pounces, and the two of them roll off of the beanbag and onto the floor. Liam is also watching the pair tussle, the look in his eyes nothing but fond, and Niall looks away.

By time Niall feels settled within himself, Zayn has painted a layer of deep orange polish on all of his nails and is waiting for them to dry so he can add a second coat.

“Are you back love?” Xe asks, smiling at him. Niall nods.

“Yeah, ‘m back.”

And it’s easy and normal when Zayn then asks, “Go anywhere nice?”

Niall smiles, “I went to space this time,” he says, looking back to Zayn’s nails. Even to his focused eyes they look like tiny galaxies.

Zayn presses a kiss to the side of his head and he settles back down, watching as xe finishes his nails with some gold glitter.

Where Zayn is a sprawling galaxy, Niall feels like a sunset. Something warm and comforting.

Not an end, but a transition to something new.

**Author's Note:**

> Leave a comment or something.
> 
> Come complain to me on tumblr @mastasof-ravenkroft.


End file.
